Battling the fear of the calling

I read something online a few days ago during those doom-scrolling minutes before bed. It mentioned that we miss out on the greatest opportunities of our lives because we have an inherent ‘fear of the calling’. And immediately it made me stop and think, yes. Shit.

I, too, have had that fear of the calling. When I’ve known I’m the best person for the job, or sport, or activity, and I’ve stepped ever so slightly to the side because maybe I’ve made myself think that I’m not fully prepared, or that I’m not quite at 100%, or even just that “I can’t be the only one here who knows what to do?”.

Looking back, I’ve remembered how it felt at the time. The times where I’ve not stepped up when I should have. It’s felt melancholy. I’ve been upset. I’ve felt emotional. I’ve felt powerless. “I could have done that. I should have done that”.

And so I asked myself “well why didn’t you then?”.

And this question is what got me writing again for my blog. Because I haven’t written a blog piece for a while, right? And that’s totally intentional. Because I’ve not felt something resonate with me like this and now that I have, I want to share my thoughts and feelings on this ‘fear of the calling’.

See, this is where free-flow writing really feels good. I trust myself to just write and write, and the truth of my thoughts just comes out in my words. It’s probably the single most powerful way that helps me get to the bottom of my occasional existential episodes - this being one of them ha!

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You should be more afraid of avoiding your path than walking it.

For me the ‘fear of the calling’ really conflates too key thoughts.

The first is that you’re scared to push yourself into a position of power, or more accruately you’re scared to be recognised for the skills you have developed over time. You’re scared to be the expert because it means others will seek your counsel but also possibly others may plot your downfall. And you wouldn’t want people to feel uncomfortable by putting yourself on a pedestal that arguably shows them up, right?

The second line of thought is that you want to avoid being uncomfortable, you want to avoid being challenged, you want to avoid the uncertainty of moving forward and you would much rather sacrifice reaching the heights of your unknown potential than step outside your comfort zone.

So really what I’m saying is you don’t want to be hated for being brilliant. And you don’t want to experience the discomfort that it brings.

This is what stepping off looks like. This is what I’ve personally always felt when I’ve had the calling.

But let me pose these questions. And these, in honesty, are questions to myself, too:

• What happens if you don’t take that leap of faith and step up?

• What happens if the status quo resumes and nothing changes?

Well, exactly that. Nothing changes. Things stay the same, right. Things stay comfortable.

And comfort is where dreams go to die.

• What happens when everything you are avoiding is everything that is meant for you?

Damn. Tough question.

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Opportunities come to pass not to pause.

This is my answer to the tough question. The moments where we are called upon, where we have our chance to shine and step up are short-lived. In the grand scheme of life, they are mere moments that come and go. So to fully answer the question above - what happens is that we miss out on everything that we was meant for us and we end up looking back with regret, anger, frustration, maybe even sorrow, and most probably a sense of unfulfilled potential.

And here’s the first real key thing for me. The calling itself is a calling to each and every single person who is available and ready at the time. The calling is the chance for the best person for the job, best athlete for the exercise, to step up and serve the purpose of the calling. The opportunity isn’t designed JUST for you. The opportunity is just that. An opportunity. It’s your obligation to your spirit and your skills to seize the opportunity because it won’t stick around for you to ‘ummm’ and ‘arrrr’. The best person WILL step up - so why shouldn’t that person be you?

The second key thing in answering the question is that we often don’t take the opportunity because we are worried how it may look or be perceived (see above about not wanting to be hated and not wanting to experience discomfort). So to further my answer, what happens is that our ego doesn’t want to be challenged, doesn’t want to be moved, is happy sticking to what it knows. Our ego doesn’t want to take the chance in case it goes wrong.

So train yourself to be your own best advocate. Take control of your confidence and create a picture of your future self having seized the opportunity, and let your mind create a scenario where everything feels good, you feel energised, you feel vindicated in your choice to step up. Your closest people celebrating your achievement. Getting the visibility that opens up new avenues and meeting new people through shared experience and expertise. Smiling and going for dinner and talking about the pros and cons and what you’ve learnt about throwing yourself in at the deep end. Writing a blog article about how you stepped up and answered the fear of the calling. The scenarios are endless. Full of potential.

THIS is the opportunity you should be seizing. To be the best version of your future self. To set your future self up as "non-fcuk-with-able”. You may think the calling is “they need someone to create a story for a presentation”. No. The calling is actually the bigger picture impact that this story will tell and how it will affect everything and everyone around you to change, to evolve, to create a better future. The calling is in fact your path to constantly become a better version of yourself through each and every opportunity that passes through. And avoiding the ‘fear of the calling’ means you will miss out on the best version of yourself. Aren’t you intrigued and excited to find out just how high you can fly?

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Don’t let not knowing the answers stop you from seeing the progress

So, at the start of this blog, I shared a question which often fuels my fear of the calling: “I can’t be the only one here who knows what to do?”. And this is one of the biggest hurdles in overcoming the fear. Because with this question comes the implicit thought that someone must know the process better than I do, and will therefore show me up should I implement my own process as gospel. So what I’ve learnt is that I should just go all in. Take the lead. Embrace my own vision. Fill myself with confidence that I am the best person right here right now to take on this challenge. Celebrate the successes that have led me to this very point in time and champion my own victories. Stop dumbing down my own journey like there’s still something more I can be doing. Sit and appreciate the path that has led me here and be open to the path moving forward in whatever direction the Gods decide. And the process will take care of itself.

If it can be improved then I’m open to learning and understanding everyone’s perspective. And that’s progress too. Progress isn’t just pursuing my own glory and having my name up in lights. Progress is actively seeing the progress too. Seeing how things change. Being uncomfortable. Being an observer and taking a step back and looking at what does and doesn’t resonate. I will never know the answers. As much as I like to make sense of the world that I live in, sometimes the answers won’t be there. But by simply putting myself forward, being single-minded enough to feel as every part of my being that yes, I am the best person for this, by stepping up, taking the opportunity wholeheartedly there will always be progress. And remember the opportunity is more than just what’s presented in the moment. There will always be a next step. One thing will lead to another thing and before you know it, this one moment in time will have blown up to be a fully embraced reality where you have totally been the captain of your own ship. The opportunity is the chance to build a better version of your future self.

So, walk your path confidently and open your eyes to each and every moment as a chance to embrace everything in your path that was meant for you.