The psychology of intentional thinking - what’s useful, really?
Thinking straight is an art form - and I’m all for it!
So, here’s my first blog post for 2023 and I know it’s been a while since my last foray into deep meaningful discussions but I’m ready again to share the journey I’m going on this year. And it’s started off with something that’s totally challenged the way I think.
So, let me just set this up a bit. I bought myself an Amazon Kindle as an end of year (2022) gift to myself. I wanted to start the new year with a real focus on reading more and ultimately learning more. I’d been seeing tonnes of “10 best books to read” pop up on my Instagram feed so over time I’d noted down the ones that I thought would help me most - those that resonated with me.
Think Straight: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life by Darius Foroux did exactly that.
I saw the cover graphic and immediately thought ok I’d like to read this because I want to have more focus and clarity when it comes to my thoughts. I’ve always felt like I think at a million miles per hour. I’m constantly assessing and processing information in a way that can be overwhelming because there’s no real sense of direction. I’ve never really thought about thinking. But this book really changed all of that, like immediately.
Thoughts should serve a useful purpose.
This was one of the first highlights that I made with my new kindle. So my understanding of this is that when I think, I shouldn’t waste time on things that have already happened or more accurately I shouldn’t waste time on things that don’t serve a good purpose. So, here’s an example. I have type 1 diabetes, and this year I’m focusing on establishing an even better level of control of my blood sugars and overall health. So for me, yes, I can reflect on the things I’ve learned about how certain foods can affect my bloods, but I steer clear of wondering “why did that happen?” or “that’s so annoying that I’ve tried XYZ and my bloods are still high”. The reason being is that these thoughts are the useless thoughts. The “woe is me” thoughts. I’ve now changed my perspective to be like “right, how do I drive down my bloods after gym” or “what actions can I take in the morning to bring down my lunchtime bloods” and this slight tweak in my thinking means that I’m prepped and ready to start taking action. It means that rather than seeing a high blood sugar as a failure, it’s more just another data-point towards understanding myself better and building a framework for what works. So now I’m more about being result-driven. Because that’s what ultimately will guide my future decisions right? If I work on the how and keep thinking about practical ways to improve my blood sugar levels then I will eventually build an effective plan that I can utilise and tweak. And you know, what it’s worked already. I’ve put together a nice morning routine for breakfast and gym that keeps my blood steady. And I’m loving it!
Our decisions and actions are a result of our thoughts.
So think about the things you CAN control.
This one is majorly important. So I was reading the chapter called “Filter your thoughts” and it posed the question “Will the outcome of a decision change the way I live?” and when I refer back to my diabetic control - the answer to this question was a strong yes. Why? Because me thinking about the how means that my decisions are based on the practical execution related to achieving better control of my diabetes. Therefore, the outcome of that decision, the decision I make to adjust my background insulin levels during weight-lifting, will change the way I live for the better. It’s as simple as that. Whereas there are no direct decisions that come from the ‘woe is me’ thoughts. They just end in self-pity. And just like the book says, this natural filter of “Will the outcome of a decision change the way I live” filters out useless information.
I am being intentional with every thought because the outcome of thinking this way means I will execute on something that will improve my life. I think that’s pretty cool, right?
Imagine what’s possible. Then make it possible.
Now this is where it gets even more interesting. So the “woe is me” thoughts typically come up when you’ve hit a bump in the road, or you’re reflecting back on an unfortunate series of events and wonder what you could have changed. But here’s the thing. None of this is productive. Because “woe is me” doesn’t change the outcome, it just reflects on the very outcome you DIDN’T want. So focusing on what you CAN control automatically eliminates this and eliminates everything else that you can’t control.
What I liked about this line of thought is that I quickly realised there is very little you control in your life. But the things you do control can serve a really important purpose. For me this is my words and my actions. And once I’m comfortable with knowing what I CAN control, I can go one beyond and start imagining what else is truly possible.
Here’s an example of what I mean:
Life is a melting pot of experiences. Combined with emotions. Intertwining a whole host of “Do I?” and “Don’t I?” moments. A long-term undulation of problems and solutions. Nice way of putting it I think. Now looking back on this view of life, a lot of time might be spent thinking about useless things that I have no control over anymore ie thinking about the past, what I could have done better, what my life would have been like if I’d taken a different decision, replaying emotional moments and regretting my actions. The list goes on.
However my idea of intentional thinking here is recognising each and every experience for what use it CAN give me - so there’s a lesson here in being able to assimilate experiences into knowledge that then drives future behaviours, words, and actions, which ultimately serve to solve problems more readily and improve my life. Once I have realised this power of mine, I can then start imagining what else I can bring to life through my actions. I can imagine, I can create behaviours. That create habits. Until my thoughts, my words, my actions become part of my reality. and create my reality. This is being “positively iterative” (I’m coining this phrase!). This is being intentional.
There are no facts, only interpretations
I really enjoyed the brief but eye-opening chapter ‘True vs Untrue’. The takeaway message for me is that if you believe in something, it is true. If something has an impact on the way you live your life whether it’s a belief in God, or whether it’s a belief that drinking coffee at 1.30pm makes you more productive in the afternoon, then it’s true for you no matter what anyone else says or does. That for me is incredible. It comes back to French philosopher René Descartes’ age-old saying of “I think, therefore I am” and means that ultimately we rely on our own very individual interpretations of reality to guide us. So therefore why waste time trying to explain it to others. If it’s true for me then that’s what makes me intentional with everything that I do. If I’m fuelled by God or by Monster Energy drinks then that’s what helps me stay focused. That’s my truth. Easy.
It’s ok to say “I don’t know”
This for me is intentional thinking and THEN some. It’s the ability to be humble but even more importantly perhaps it’s the ability to recognise one’s own need for time. Time to think. And time to be intentional.
So an example that hits home for me is what happens on daily basis at work. I’m constantly being asked questions and for advice on topics that I’m neither inexperienced in nor am I an expert. Sounds like life in general right. But here’s where it’s so so important to be humble. I find it’s better to be open, honest, and intentional, by saying “you know what I’m not sure” because for so long I’ve always tried to give a quick knee-jerk answer based on historic knowledge or experience, so people think “hmm Kulveer knows what he’s talking about”. But really is that being intentional? I don’t think so - it’s more about being impulsive. Serving my ego.
So instead, what I’ve realised is better, is to say “hmm I don’t know, I might need a bit of time to think it through and come back with some insight”. And what I mean by better isn’t referring to the person asking me the question. I mean it’s better for me to tell my self those exact words. And in turn to realise that giving myself time, is actually allowing myself to be more intentional in what I do, rather than bowing to the pressure of needing to come across flawless to my peers/coworkers. In a nutshell, a quick decision isn’t always a good decision. And so being more intentional, giving myself time, and actually knowing myself enough to give my own thoughts room to breathe is what will give me the best chance to be intent-driven that will ultimately lead to purposeful action. And once I’m there I can return to the conversation with the answer of “but this is what I do know, and this could be where we start”.
So what is useful, really?
So all things said and done, the book really taught me the art of being disciplined with my thoughts. For my diabetes, for my gym workouts, for growing Words & Worlds. And honestly in such a short time I’ve made huge steps by just being intent-driven. Focusing on the things I CAN control and thinking about the HOW to drive practical execution that leads to positive change. It’s being pragmatic by looking at the practical value of ideas and deciding on a course of action that brings value and improves the situation. But there is one more thing that really hit home. It’s the practice of spending time on something that is useful to somebody else. It’s ‘thinking beyond yourself’ in such a way that you create a legacy. And for me, I’m always thinking about the greater good that my art, my poetry, my blogs can do. It’s striving to be purposeful not just for myself but striving to do something creative that improves the lives and thought processes of other - because then everything that I do, everything that I think, my intent, my purposeful nature will automatically have meaning because it will be useful to everyone who experiences it. Yes. that’s what being intentional is all about. Creating purpose and delivering it to everyone who needs it.