So where did my first poem come from?
Hey guys! I hope you’ve enjoyed the first of my many poems but if not, click the link and read I am Angel because this blog post is going to take a deeper look into where my writing comes from and what inspired me to put pen to paper. Since I shared my poem with you, I’ve had a lot of questions like "Kev, what does the 33 mean?" so I think it’s only right if I take you through some of the thoughts and meanings weaved into my poem. And who knows, it might even help your creative juices flow!
In fear and light
The inspiration for I am Angel came about from some simple meditation techniques and affirmations. A big part of being by myself in lockdown for me was focusing on what made me happy, what brought me strength, and most importantly how I could still be the best version of myself despite not seeing or speaking to anyone face-to-face for such a long period of time. To focus on these things, I would take it back to what made me, me. And so there were a few meditative affirmations I’d use to centre myself:
I am God.
I am Angel.
I am Love.
I am Strength.
So you can probably tell there is an element of definition in the above. I am. I am. and then the inevitable question ‘What am I really?’ So I started writing from that perspective. I am all of these things. I am warmth. I am calm. I am chaos. We’re all a sum of our experiences and more broadly we are all a sum of our peaks and troughs i.e. the calm and the chaos. but what I really wanted to understand was the role that fear played in who I was and to know where that fear came from and how it could be defined or maybe just understood.
So as I went on this ‘mind’s eye journey’ let’s call it, all these questions came about but something stuck with me. I felt that wherever I felt fear, wherever I sensed a challenge or went deep into the pits of my stomach, there would always be a light that would take me back to where I needed to be. The light could be a memorable quote, some advice, or just some regular banter with friends over fifa. And this returning of the light would be how my soul stayed strong and resilient. But we don’t stand still do we? We are constantly moving forward in life and so naturally my next question was then, ‘well, where do I go with this light?’
Some scribbles and doodles in my scrapbook!
The path ahead
The whole idea of fate versus free will has always played on mind. Choosing your destiny or letting fate play it’s card. But over the years, and through talking a lot with friends, relatives, and even healing practitioners there has always been an element of letting go and trusting that there is a magical force, a God, a spirit guiding you. Probably more like ushering you in the right direction. If you need chaos in your life to teach you a lesson on patience, then it’s chaos you will find. If it’s peace that you require, in order to sit with your thoughts, then you will find peace. Simple, right? But I guess the key here for me is that it’s about letting go. It’s about recognising that you have no power and nor do you need it. Your thoughts come and go, you think what you need to, and then move forward.
My favourite line from this poem is:
‘You see the ocean, written in stone, scattered across the stars.’
Because there’s no definition here. Everything is connected. You see things the way you see them. You see signs the way you see them. Your understanding of how the world works is entirely your own. You might see a letterbox packed full of letters, while listening to music that is absent of words, followed by reading about ancient hieroglyphs that are a totally different language. These are all totally separate things but somehow when you look a little deeper (and that’s only if you want to), there is one connecting theme ie language and words.
And every next thing leads to the next thing. That’s pretty much how my imagination works! haha There is no form, there is no expectation, so all we can do is just be, and enjoy the life that we create, as we create it.
‘This is the life we lead and the tapestry we weave’
And then came the Angel Number 33!
So the 33. While I was writing the poem, this number just appeared and I guess it can mean whatever you want it to mean. Just like in the poem, it can be the number of steps you feel you take before reaching a goal, the number of keys you play on a piano, or even the number of attempts you make on your favourite video game before you get to the next level! ha! It’s totally down to you what it means.
I’m a big believer in signs and messages and the number 33 itself holds spiritual significance too. The number is said to encourage you to live your life with strength, optimism, and enthusiasm. It also acts as the number of creativity and spiritual illumination. So, by writing this poem and really understanding myself on a deeper level, I really did feel spiritually illuminated and uplifted. Crazy, eh!?
Some more doodle work from my notebook - not sure why one wing is bigger than the other though!?
Freeing myself
I’ve always been intrigued by the dichotomy of things. The yin and yang. Or in the words of the poem, the chaos and the love. The peace and the shadow. The sun and the moon is another way of thinking about it. Sometimes I feel it’s not so much the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ coexisting, rather it’s more about how one’s power shifts between two states of existence, from day when the sun is shining bright, to night when darkness is plenty but the moon still glows. Hmm, something to think about and maybe I’ll come back to this later on in the poems I write. But for now, I feel there is a real poetry (pardon the pun haha) in embracing all the darkness and rage and realising how it gives us power to conquer. But then it comes back to the original essence of my poem. That there is something sitting there in the background that we shouldn’t forget. That while we feel untouchable by embracing our wildest dreams and desires, we have to remember that the chaos sits alongside the peace. And the peace is where we find ourselves when we conquer our ego. This part of the poem felt like I was shedding myself of a burden I’d been carrying. A burden that made me feel like I needed to go out and go crazy and achieve the biggest things in life and show off, and get the titles and the accolades. When really, all I needed was to listen to my inner voice and find my own peace. To let go, to just be. And as I wrote the last few words of the poem, I felt a freedom almost like I could breath again after getting through all these questions and ideas. and it came back to the 'who am I?’ when all said and done. I am everything I need to be. I am everything I am. I am Angel.
So that’s where my first poem came from! A mixture of imagination, questions, my view on how things fit together, and a bit of numerology too! I hope you guys enjoyed this post! Stay tuned for my next poem which I’ll share over the next few days. And I’m thinking my next blog post will go into the actual art (my art) of automatic/conscious/free-verse writing and how the words just flow! Don’t miss out!